As of today I’m officially going to my senior prom alone. I had a date, a really good date actually. And he asked me in the cutest way possible and I bought a dress that makes me feel like Taylor Swift. Then I found out the type of person he really is and now we’re not going to prom together. It’s only one night, I know that, but I just wish for once I could be like every other girl who has a date for the dance and someone to take pictures with. I don’t know what I was thinking though. I’m better off alone, it’s what I’m good at. But I’m actually excited to go to prom alone. I have the freedom to do whatever I want and I can just focus on myself. But I’m afraid of what other people are going to think when they see me taking pictures by myself or walking in without a date on my arm. I don’t want them to feel bad for me or wonder why things didn’t work out with my date. I just want them to mind their own fucking business. I was looking forward to having a perfect night and for once, just once, being able to go to a dance with a date who bought me flowers and told me I looked beautiful. But things fell through. At least I still have my dress that makes me feel like Taylor Swift.
In true Jennifer-Aniston-style, I hereby declare myself a “lonely girl”. I know the self-proclamation is a bit premature, but I honestly envision myself being forever alone in the romantic sense. Sure, I have my friends and family but I don’t think I’ll ever find the right guy for me. I don’t think I’ll ever find a guy period. The very few relationships I’ve had with guys in the past turned out to be completely base. There’s also the problem that guys don’t seem to be attracted to me in any way in general. How am I supposed to find someone when I can’t even get a member of the opposite sex to look in my direction? I still can’t find the quality that makes me so repulsive. Am I intimidating? Ugly? Boring? I know I shouldn’t validate my self-worth based off of what guys think. But after a while, it’s difficult not to let it get to you. It sucks when you’re surrounded by guys who constantly dish out compliments to your girl friends and overlook you. I especially hate when girls complain about how “ugly” or “fat” they are, yet they know full well they have at least five different guys who want them. It sucks when you’re never the one who gets asked to dance when you’re sitting completely alone. It sucks when you can count on one hand how many guys have liked you (key word there being “liked,” past tense). It sucks when you’ve been dying for him to talk to you but realize he never will. It sucks, but I’ve slowly become accustomed to the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I try my hardest not to think about the diminishing and depressing state of my love life. I’m trying my best to get over it. And, as a consolation prize to myself, I’ve already started planning out my life as a lonely spinster.